A child therapist and mum has shared 5 pieces of parenting advice that are incredibly common but you should actually ignore.
Being a parent comes with an awful lot of advice, both wanted and unwanted, especially if it’s your first child. It comes from all angles, people will say you are creating a rod for your own back if you do this, and that you will traumatise them if you do that. It’s conflicting, confusing and makes parenting a whole lot harder.
Luckily there are 5 things that other people might say to you that you can completely ignore, according to child therapist Deena Margolin.
She runs the Instagram account Big Little Feelings and shared some parenting advice that you don’t need to follow. Deena says that this is advice that you probably inherited from your own upbringing and it is now our time to try and identify these and break the cycle.
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Talking to her 3 million Instagram followers, the psychologist said: ‘Let’s talk about the stuff that might sting…not to judge, but because avoiding the truth keeps us stuck.
‘Most of us parent the way we were parented. Not because it always works, but because it’s what we know. When we know better, we do better and that’s how we break cycles.’
5 pieces of parenting advice to ignore
1. They need to toughen up
Children don’t toughen up by ‘facing hard things alone’ says Deena. Parents need to support them through the hard things until they can face them on their own.
2. Don’t comfort them, they’re just looking for attention
Deena says that ‘of course’ children are looking for attention. ‘Humans are wired to seek attention when they’re struggling’ and it’s okay for you to give them that attention.
‘Connection creates the safety that makes better behaviour possible’.
3. If they don’t eat dinner, they’ll eat tomorrow
This was a common statement when we were young but we now know more about how complex eating habits can be. While some kids may eat others will ‘spiral into a cycle of hunger, anxiety and even more food battles’.
4. Just ignore the tantrum
How many of us were left in our rooms or on a step while we had a tantrum? Deena says that children don’t learn emotional regulation by being left alone ‘with feelings they can’t yet manage’.
5. If they’re old enough to do that they’re old enough to know better
‘Knowing what to do and being able to do it during frustration, disappointment or overwhelm are two completely different skills’.
