They say parenting is not for the faint of heart. And anyone who has ever actually been a parent will relate very hard to this.
Because the thing is – while actually loving your kids and taking care of them is easy – it is the worrying that we are parenting in a way that make our children happy, healthy and thriving that can be tough.
Are we feeding them the right food? Are we being helpful – but also not too helpful, so that they never learn to do things for themselves? Are we strict enough? Too strict? Are we making enough memories with them? But also leaving enough time for them to be bored and creative?
See? Exhausting. There are just so much parenting advice out there, it can be hard to know what to try and what to not listen to, which is why sometimes, hearing what an actual expert has to say can be good.
Recently, parenting educator Amy McCready revealed the three things she would personally not do with her own children – and that she advices other parents to avoid as well.
‘Of course, nobody’s perfect, but if you can keep these to a minimum, you’ll be better off in the long run,’ McCready revealed to Today.com.
Parenting mistake #1: Paying kids for chores
‘Wouldn’t it be great if you got paid for folding laundry or cooking a great meal? That’s the dream world your kids live in when you pay them to complete chores or pitch in,’ McCready reminds parents, adding:
‘And it’s harming their work ethic instead of helping it.’
The parenting expert argues that if we pay kids to help out, the payout becomes an external motivator, when really we want to develop internal motivation in our kids stemming from a sense of goodwill, responsibility and perseverance.
‘What’s more, kids are more willing to pitch in if they see chores as teamwork, and a valuable contribution to the family, not a transaction.’
Parenting mistake #2: Putting kids in time out
This is a popular parenting technique, but that doesn’t mean it’s effective, McCready explains.
‘The goal of any discipline technique should be training for better behavior while preserving a strong emotional attachment between parent and child,’ she says.
The parenting expert continues:
‘Simply putting kids in a corner or on the naughty chair does nothing to correct the problem. Instead, it erodes a sense of connection and creates a power struggle that can lead to anger and exhaustion as the parent tries to physically keep a child in time-out.’
She also points out that time-out can make kids feel they are ‘bad’ – which can lead to them acting on that label, rather than learning better behavior.
‘Kids actually learn best when they maintain a secure emotional connection with a parent. When a child is misbehaving, it’s much more effective to be present in the moment, to help them calm their body and emotions, and teach them the correct behavior to use in the future.’
Parenting mistake #3: Forcing kids to clean their plate before they get dessert
Sweets, McCready says, should be enjoyed just like any other food – voluntarily.
She reminds parents any type of coerced feeding – whether that’s using bargaining, punishment, or any other method – is grounds for a mealtime power struggle that benefits no one.
‘It takes the focus off fostering healthy eating habits and and instead creates tension between parent and child.’
She adds:
‘It also sets dessert up as the ‘reward’ for eating the ‘less-desirable’ food, like vegetables – not exactly the mindset we want our kids to grow up with.’
