I am willing none of us set out to raise spoilt children.
Parenting is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. After all, we are not just raising children, we are also shaping the adults these children are going to become one day – and that is a daunting task, for sure. Because the thing is, we all, I think, want to raise children who are kind, compassionate, helpful, resilient and hard-working.
But, an expert has warned, in today’s parenting climate, when we are all so obsessed with keeping kids happy at all time, and for them to have magical, wonderful childhoods, this has become harder – as kids and teens today are more spoilt, for sure.
And hard as it can be to admit, this is mostly our own fault.
Carl Pickhardt, a US-based doctor and author of Surviving Your Child’s Adolesence: How to Understand and Even Enjoy the Rocky Road to Independence, says so often, spoilt children are a result of parents trying too hard to make everything easier and more pleasant for them every step of the way.
Instead he explains to PureWow, we should be avoiding the following if we want to ensure we are not raising spoilt, entitled teens:
Cleaning their rooms
Pickhardt says yes, teen rooms can and should be messy from time to time, but cleaning it for them is not teaching them the lesson they need to learn: That their room is their responsibility to keep clean, and that they live under your roof, and hence need to obey by your rules when it comes to cleanliness and tidiness.
Doing their chores for them
Studies have shown that kids who grow up doing chores are more successful in life, so it would be a big parenting mistake to do their chores for them.
Think of it this way: Unpaid chores are your teen’s way of contributing to home maintenance and being part of a family unit.
‘Stipulate a regular requirement of time and energy you expect from your teen,’ says Pickhardt, and make them stick to it.
Allowing them to skip family activities
Sure, they might be moody and you might argue that teens are busy and need some alone time, but allowing them to skip out on family activities is big parenting mistake that can have long-term consequences, experts warn.
‘Socially participating in family events affirms primary social affiliation,’ Pickhardt writes in Psychology Today.
In other words, taking part in family traditions and activities is how teens understand the importance of being part of a family, which is a lasting bond, over the often transitory bonds of friends.
Giving them unlimited screen time
Yes, our teens are growing up in a digital age, and banning technology is not the answer. However, it is our job as parents not to raise spoilt children, and also to learn and develop safe and good boundaries and habits when it comes to technology and screen time.
Josh Shipp, author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, says it’s our goal as parents to help our teens become well-rounded people who can coexist with technology and not be ruled by it.
‘So your first step is to observe your teen’s interaction with technology. If they are holing up in their room for long stretches, blowing off responsibilities like family meal time and school work, it’s time to rein in the screen time until a healthy balance is reached.’
Not making them save money
Raising children who are not spoilt also means teaching them good money habits, and saving is also an exercise in delayed gratification – a life skill children today absolutely need to practise, experts advice parents.
‘Saving teaches self-restraint, prioritizing and even, in best case scenarios, planning ahead.’
