As parents, we are hard-wired to try our very best to protect our kids from getting hurt, and from experiencing pain.
However, as anyone who has ever been a parent will know, bumps and bruises and scrapes are not always preventable – and maybe it shouldn’t be either.
And maybe, when they do occur – which they will – we need to think a little bit about how we react as parents – and what we are teaching our kids.
That is what a parenting expert thinks anyway, who recently took to social media to share his thoughts on the matter, and give parents advice on how to best handle it when our kids have a fall or get hurt.
In a post shared to Instagram, parenting coach and behavioural analyst Mike Wallach explains:
‘This might trigger you, but you should never run towards your kids.’
He goes on to say:
‘I have been working with kids for over two decades. I have four kids myself. And I think I have only ever have to run at a kid once.’
Mike explains that running towards our kids when they fall and get hurt signifies to them that it is a big deal.
‘Don’t move a muscle’
In fact, the parenting expert reveals, the best approach when your child hurt himself or herself, might be the opposite of what you think it is.
‘Sometimes the best approach is to not move a muscle. You can walk slowly towards them, or, if they come over to you seeking comfort, then comfort them.’
The reason we shouldn’t drop everything and run to our kids if they hurt themselves, Wallach tells parents, is that by not making it a big deal and running to them, you are helping your children build resilience.
Captioning his post, the parenting expert writes:
‘This might be unpopular, but when a child falls, our first instinct isn’t always our best one.’
Sending the wrong message
Wallach says that when we immediately run toward kids in a panic, we can unintentionally send the message that something terrible has happened.
‘Most of the time, kids look to us first to decide how serious a situation is.’
And so instead, he says, stay calm.
‘Walk toward them. Assess what happened. And if they come to you needing comfort, connection, or reassurance, give it freely.’
This, he says, is not so that children will feel like we are ignoring their feelings or ignoring the fact that their scrape or bruise of cut hurt, because it probably does.
However, by not getting into a panic ourselves and running over, we are teaching children that a fall or bruise or bump or even a cut is not the end of the world. In fact, it is actually all sorts of normal and something that happens to all kids, all the time.
‘And so the most important lesson you can teach them in this moment, is to stay calm,’ the parenting coach reveals in his Instagram post.
‘The goal isn’t to ignore their feelings. The goal is to help them borrow your calm instead of your panic.’
