A child development expert has shared five questions that all parents should ask their kids, and they will let you know if they actually trust you.
Trust is a very important thing in a relationship, especially between parents and their children. We want to trust them, of course, especially as they grow up. But their trusting us is also so important. If they trust us, they will share with us and confide in us as they get older, and they won’t feel a need to hide their problems from us, which is very important during their teenage years.
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Katy Quinn, a parenting educator with an MA in child development, has told parents that if they want to know whether or not their kids trust them, then they should ask them these five questions.
5 questions that will tell you if your child trusts you
Often, we ask our children the same old questions, and get the same old answers. But according to Katy, these questions are ‘different’. ‘They reveal whether a child feels emotionally safe with you.’
1. What was the hardest part of your day today?
This tells your child that you ‘can hold difficulty’ and that they don’t need to protect you.
‘If your child names something hard, the relationship is open. If they always say “nothing” they may be filtering. That’s information.
2. Is there anything you’ve been wanting to tell me but weren’t sure how?
This is ‘the most powerful question on this list’ because it tells your child that you have a door open for them.
‘The first few times, they may say no. Keep asking gently over months. One day they’ll walk through’.
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3. When you’re upset, what makes it harder when grownups are around?
‘This asks them to teach you how to be helpful’ and you may be surprised by the answer they give.
4. Is there something I do that bothers you?
According to Katy, this question ‘terrifies most parents’ but that shouldn’t stop you from asking it. ‘Whatever they say, listen without defending yourself’.
‘Your willingness to hear is what builds trust for the next ten years.’
5. What’s something you wish I knew about you?
‘This makes space for their inner life. A child who feels seen by this question becomes an adult who knows how to be seen’.
Katy urges parents not to ask these questions ‘all at once’ as it will seem like ‘an interrogation’. Instead ask one here and there, perhaps at bedtime.
‘Don’t react big to what they say,’ she adds. ‘Calm reception is what makes the next conversation possible. Don’t try to fix what they share. Just hear it first.’
