Does Supernanny have a point here?
As parents, we all want to protect our children and shield them from bad news and bad people and scary things as much as humanly possible. I mean, this is the whole purpose of parenting, no?
However, one can argue that it is also our job to teach them about reality too – to prepare them for the future.
And also, even if we are parents, we are also just humans navigating this life for the first time too, and so when things get overwhelming or when we worry about something, sometimes this all comes spilling out, even when our children are present.
The thing is, most of us are probably not actively trying to make family finances the kids’ problem – we are just tired, and they are just always there.
But according to one parenting expert, there is one topic in particular parents should avoid discussing in front of or with their children, as it can lead to some big problems later on.
According to Supernanny Jo Frost, parents should always stop and think before discussing finances or money troubles in front of their children.
In fact, in an Instagram post she shared recently, Frost, who has spent 35 years working with families said she was ‘quite concerned for children who are continuously hearing this.’
‘Have some self-control’
Supernanny wrote:
‘What might feel like harmless venting to you, your children are hearing, and they don’t process it the way you do.’
And so Supernanny’s advice to parents was rather blunt:
‘Have some self-control.’
Adding to that, the 55-year-old wrote:
‘Talk adult talk in private. Mind your business so it doesn’t become your children’s to carry.’
This might sound like harsh advice to parents who are genuinely struggling, and who can’t help but want to inform their kids about the lay of the land when it comes to family finances.
But, says another parenting expert, there are ways to talk to kids about money and money being tight in a way that won’t scare them.
Speaking to the Metro recently, parenting expert Kirsty Ketley said that children usually don’t have the emotional tools to make sense of financial pressure.
‘Hearing adult worries about money can create unnecessary anxiety, insecurity, or a sense of responsibility for problems they can’t control.’
She adds:
‘Try to avoid constantly telling kids you’re broke. Keep it calm, and never tell them it’s their fault things are tight. Otherwise, you can leave children feeling guilty, fearful, or personally responsible for family finances.’
This becomes even more important when you realise that this study from Trinity College found that repeated exposure to financial stress in childhood can increase the risk of anxiety and sleep problems, and leave kids with a nagging sense that things aren’t safe.
How to talk to kids about money
With toddlers and very young kids, you might just keep the whole discourse at pocket money level, and avoid discussing any financial strain and stress with them completely – they are too young to understand, and you could end up just scaring them and making them worry, according to Supernanny.
So how do you talk to kids old enough to understand money and money being tight? Instead of using terms like ‘we are broke’ or ‘we can’t afford that’ you could try keeping things calm and matter-of-fact with something like:
‘We’re being careful with our spending right now, so we’re making different choices about what we spend on.’
This is an honest approach that tells your kids how things are right now financially – but without being scary for them.
