I think it is safe to say that all siblings have at least some kind of sibling rivalry – whether we are talking snide comments, never wanting to watch the same TV show, stealing toys – or full blown fights.
And yes, as parents, of course we want our kids to get on, but as the mum of two tweens who often go between being the best of friends or the worst of enemies, I also take solace in the fact some some level of sibling rivalry is actually good for kids.
Learning how to conflict resolve. How to take turns. Learning how to get on despite differences. Learning how to make up after a fight – I am a big believer that there really are a lot of good things to take away from sibling rivalry.
However, we also don’t need to make life more difficult for ourselves, and so when you learn that there are certain things parents tend to say that could kick off some serious sibling rivalry, well, maybe we should all be avoiding those words…?
How parents can help minimise sibling rivalry
Remember, parents, you probably didn’t cause sibling rivalry between your kids, but according to parenting experts, you may be inadvertently making it worse.
Thankfully, there are a few easy ways to promote more friendships and less feuds in your house, and speaking to The Sun, Cork-based chartered psychologist Catherine Hallissey explains that some sibling rivalry is normal and more common than you might think, and in fact it is ‘present in pretty much every family where there’s more than one child.’
So how should parents tackle sibling rivalry and jealousy? Hallissey explains that there’s one phrase we often use and it’s really not a great idea.
A phrase to avoid when it comes to sibling rivalry
According to the psychologist, a big mistake mums and dads make is when they say to their kids ‘I’m trying to keep things fair’.
She explains:
‘Parents often say to me, ‘I don’t know why there’s such a problem. We always make sure everything is fair and equal’.
However, the expert says using this phrase is a mistake because it’s not possible to always make things ‘fair’.
‘It’s such a mistake because, first of all, you can’t make things fair because everybody has different needs at different times.’
She added:
‘So instead we need to focus on everyone getting what they need and things even out in the end.’
The psychologist also warns parents to avoid comparing their kids as it can trigger insecurity and competitiveness among siblings.
