10 phrases parents say to toddlers that accidentally cause distress

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when everyday occurrences have the potential to result in toddler tantrums or teenage angst with us wondering what exactly we did wrong.

Some of the common phrases that we as parents say on repeat have potential to cause distress to toddlers without us realising that this is happening, according to one expert.

Many of these phrases are ones we know from our own childhoods, so little wonder we’re prone to repeating them.

Toddler expert Amy Buckland has zeroed in on some of the most common sayings she feels can be upsetting, and they might surprise you.

Speaking about why these phrases may have a detrimental effect without parents having any knowledge of this happening, she explains:

‘Your toddler loves and adores you more than anyone in their world. They are wired to be strongly attached to you.

‘ When they misbehave, their nervous system is already in distress, ‘ she explains.

10 phrases that can accidentally upset toddlers

It follows that phrases which ‘shame, punish or attack’ make them feel less connected and shamed.

She goes on to add that when that happens, the stress hormone, cortisol, floods their bodies and their nervous system becomes ‘overwhelmed’ and may push them into ‘fight, flight or freeze’ mode.

In an Instagram post, Amy talks through the common sayings and the swaps she advises instead.

So what are the phrases that can cause these reactions? Well, here are some of the most common, according to Amy:

1. Don’t you dare?!
2. What did you do?!
3. Why did you do that?!
4. What is wrong with you?!
5. Go to your room now.
6. I wish you were more like your brother/sister.
7. Do that again, and you’ll be in trouble.
8. You are naughty.
9. Go away.
10. It’s all your fault.

Amy has also offered up alternative phrases to calm your toddler’s nervous system and help them communicate more efficiently.

This includes:

1. I’m here, sweetie. You’re safe.
2. I’m here if you need a hug.
3. We can work it out together.
4. Something doesn’t feel good right now. I can help.
5. Let’s figure this out together. What do you need?
6. I’m on your team, buddy. I love you.
7. Let’s use kind words to sort this out.
8. We need to stay safe. I’m going to help you.