A lot is being written these days about teens and phones and social media – almost entirely all of it negative, I think we can all agree.
Some countries have introduce social media bans and/or restrictions for under 16s including Australia, Norway and the UK.
And look – I get it – there are digital dangers out there lurking that we need to keep kids and young people safe from. There is also the worry that screen time is replacing our lives IRL.
However, as the parent of a now-teenager, who at age 14 was was allowed Instagram (and Pinterest), I have to say, I find the social media media coverage all very doom-and-gloomy – and so far, not representative of our experience at all.
My daughter, who never had an iPad as a child, and got her first phone at age 13 when she went to secondary school, was allowed to download Pinterest when she got her phone, as she is obsessed with crafts and making things and baking – and loved using Pinterest to find ideas.
Outfit inspo, room ideas and cute cat videos
At age 14, I also let her download Instagram, account set to private, of course – and now, at 16, I can hand on heart say I have not had a single moment’s worry or concern about her having these two apps on her phone, nor do I think they have affected her negatively.
My daughter and I share in our Pinterest obsession, and she will frequently send me pins of outfits she thinks I will love, or interior ideas for her room or the house. She saves baking recipes she wants to try – and honestly? That is pretty much that.
Millennials overshare far more on social media than GenZ
As for Instagram, I think her and her generation are actually far more restrictive in sharing anything than my generation – who dumped 120 photos from a night out on Facebook or uploaded the same to Bebo without a second’s thought – was. Just like her friends that she follows and who follow her on Instagram, my daughter tends to share less than a photo a month, often just doing a ‘month dump’ of whatever she has seen and done that month – ranging from a pretty cherry blossom tree to an iced latte date with a friend – or our cat sunbathing in the garden.
She will also relentlessly send me reels from episodes of The OC, that we are currently watching, or whenever she comes across a new local bakery or coffee shop she thinks we should try next.
And speaking to my fellow mum friends, whose children are the same age as my daughter, this is their reality as well. In other words, pretty far from the horror stories of predators and inappropriate content we hear of non-stop in the media. And in fact – the opposite. I love getting her outfit ideas and suggestions for things to do.
I would estimate that she spends a total of half an hour maybe on Instagram a week – and not much more on her phone in general, unless you count listening to music on her Spotify app. Is she an anomaly? Maybe.
We have strict rules about screen time and phone use in our home – for adults too – and this is obviously also affecting her time on social media – and my time on it as an adult too.
Parents are allowed to parent – even teenagers
But while Instagram is one thing, I have decided TikTok is not a thing I want her to engage with, and as such, my daughter does not have it – despite most of her friends having the app. I am sceptical of the impact of short-form videos on brain-health, and also less familiar with this app in terms of security and content, and so we said no. And she is fine with that.
The thing is – which is something I think parents sometimes forget these days, when it almost feels like kids and screen time is just something we have to accept, is that we are allowed to actually parent our kids. Yes, even when they are teens. And to say no where we see fit. And for me, introducing firm boundaries and keeping an eye on how much time my child is spending on social media is part of this.
I think maybe because as a family, we have strict rules around phone use and screen time, I don’t feel my daughter’s social media use is anything I have to worry about – yet anyway.
Fun, social and innocent
Is social media a necessity? Of course not. Not for teens, and not for adults either. And as someone who believes firmly in less screens, more real life, it will always feel like a balancing act, I guess. Meaning, if I ever got a feeling that my child was more interested in sharing reels or chatting with friends online and across an app rather than seeing them in real life, and having a full, rich life outside of a screen, it would be deleted off her phone in an instant.
The same goes for myself – if I ever started feeling like social media and the people there and the likes and follows started feeling like it matters more than my actual real, proper life, then I would log off forever.
But in the midst of all this doom and gloom, and if you hear nothing but horror stories of teenagers and social media, know that this is not always the case. It can also be a place where kids find room inspiration and fun videos and cute outfits and Seth Cohen moments – and honestly, in my opinion, there is no harm in some of that!
