Turns out, my child getting her first phone has been a lot less of a negative thing than all the fear-mongering had me fear it would be.
There is a lot of talk about kids and phones these days in the media. About all the dangers, and the negative impact chat groups and social media can have on teens’ self image and homework and their lives in general.
And look, I get it – I am a big fan of low-tech childhoods. We have an old iPad that my dad gifted me years ago, but that we never used. Our one TV in the living room only comes on in the evening for family movie nights and maybe some Modern Family or The OC binge watches. My son got a Nintendo Switch when he turned eight, and even though he was thrilled with it at the time, the only game he cared to have on it was a football one and after a while, the novelty wore off a little
And so it was not without having thought long and hard about it that I got my daughter her first phone at 13.
But at the end of the day, she was starting secondary school, and she needed one. Needed to be able to text and call me as she navigated public transport by herself some days, and needed to be able to call friends and be part of WhatsApp groups with the rest of the class.
And so we got her her first iPhone – and allowed her both WhatsApp and Instagram, even also eventually SnapChat – and honestly, in the two years since, I can hand on heart say I have not had a moment where I worried about her phone use or what she might be exposed to using it – mostly because the rules we put in place when she got the phone – and also because to be fair, I think she just is a fairly sensible kid.
As far as social media is concerned, I think my daughter’s generation is far less interested in posting pictures of their food on Instagram than us millennials were, and the only thing she truly loves doing on her phone is save images to Pinterest of cute outfits and places she wants to travel and crafts she wants to do. Oh, and send ‘haul videos’ to her friends of whatever lip glosses she picked up in Space NK or that cute top she spent her pocket money on.
Parents need to practice what they preach
My main concern when it comes to any type of tech gadget is screen time, and how much of one’s precious life is wasted on screens. Which is why I personally am very strict about my own screen time, and have rules about how I interact with my phone, something which made it easier to set the same rules for my daughter.
For instance, in our house, there are no phones allowed at the table (this rule also applies when we eat out). No phones are allowed on the sofa while watching TV (because what is the point of watching movies together if people are on their phones?) and no phones are to be pulled out when on public transport – that is what books are for.
I think as parents, we need to be prepared to practice what we preach when it comes to what we expect from our kids, anything else just feels pointless and a little hypocritical. And my daughter, having seen how strict I am about my own screen time, just naturally abided by this too, and apart from sending funny snaps to her friends and participating in the family WhatsApp, never seems all that interested in being on her phone. In fact, many a time I have had to pester her to answer her phone when I call or get back to my texts, as her phone just tends to live in her school bag, volume off.
Phones stay downstairs
One big rule we have when it comes to phones in our house, that existed before my daughter even got her phone is ‘no phones upstairs.’
I have an alarm clock ( a fab one that wakes me with a gentle sunrise!), and so there is no need to bring my phone upstairs at night – and hence, less blue light, less chance of being woken by random WhatsApp group notifications and less temptation to doom scrolls instead of sleep or even read.
When bedtime rolls around, phones are left on the kitchen island, and not only am I grateful for my own wellbeing and sleep hygiene that this is now a firmly established habit, but it also leaves me feeling like I don’t have to worry as much about my teen’s phone use.
This, I think, makes for better and more sleep. More time spent reading. Less chance of online bullying or content she should not be exposed to. For now, this has never been an issue, and knowing this is how her dad and I did things, when she got her phone, she just automatically left it downstairs when going to bed at night.
It might not seem like enough in terms of protecting kids and even limiting their screen time, but in our house, so far, this is working perfectly, and I am happy her phone use up until now has just not once been a concern. Long may it last!
