The first time your child goes on a sleepover is a very big deal, for both parent and child.
Whether your little one is shy, prefers to stay at home, or simply just isn’t ready for staying over at a friend or relative’s house… the reality is this decision looks different for everyone.
However, when they do decide that this is something they want to do, you’ll want to be prepared.
A psychotherapist and mum says there are certain questions you should ask your child before and after they go.
She reminds parents that this is an important time for building trust, self-confidence and safety.
Sometimes they might want to go but as a parent, you might feel that they’re not just ready yet and asking the below questions can help you decide.
Zara Kadir, who is a psychotherapist, parenting coach and mum to a child with ADHD recommends asking your child the following things.
In an Instagram post on her account The Therapy Shed, she explains what you should talk about in advance.
4 questions to ask before your child goes to a sleepover
- Can they sleep on their own and manage their bedtime routine without you?
- Do they know their body is their own and what to do if something feels wrong?
- Do they usually speak up when uncomfortable?
- Have they stayed away from home before, for example, at their grandparents?
If you’re not happy with how you answered any of the above questions, then she advises that there are other things you can try first such as a short stay with a set pickup time or going for the evening but coming home for bedtime. She advises that this allows kids to have all of the same fun including watching movies in their PJs etc but it’s not as big of a deal as it’s not overnight. Kadir describes this approach as ‘same joy, less stress’, and it’s also been coined as a ‘sleepunder’ by other experts.
However, if you and your child are happy that a sleepover is a good idea, she also advises asking certain questions before and after they go.
One of the most important is ‘do you know you can ask to come home at any time, for any reason’?’ and to ensure you have that conversation so that they know they can call home if they need to.
When they come home from the sleepover she recommends checking in, saying something like ‘was there anything you felt unsure or confused about?’ so that again they can talk it out with you if there’s anything they are worried about.
