When it comes to parenting, sleep is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on.
Some swear by sleep training while others opt for co-sleeping and both say each method has its advantages.
As a mum who sometimes co-sleep with my kids, and having had to explain it more times than I can remember, I really felt a tug in my chest when I first read this post, where a parent asks whether or not it is OK to still be co-sleeping with a five-year-old.
In a post shared to Mumsnet, the anonymous mum asks whether or not she is being unreasonable to still be co-sleeping with her school-aged daughter. She also details why she is wondering whether or not she is doing the right thing.
‘It’s nice to have cuddles and bonding’
The mum starts off by explaining how she first ended up co-sleeping with her little girl.
‘I’ve been a single parent since my daughter’s father left us when she was a baby. As a baby and toddler she slept in a cot in her own room, however when she was about two, she started coming into my bed a lot in the night.’
This, the mum explained further, soon turned into a more long-term arrangement.
‘She has her own room and her own bed and I regularly ask her if she wants to start sleeping in it, or if she wants to try sleeping in it that night etc. But she always says she wants to sleep with me.’
The single mum goes on to explain she does not mind, as she still manages to get sleep herself.
‘I’m fine with it, it’s nice to have cuddles and that bonding time with her, and she’s not a nighttime kicker or fidgeter so I don’t get disturbed. She always knows it’s her choice if she wants to sleep in her bed or mine.’
‘Am I preventing her from becoming independent?’
However, despite both mother and daughter getting enough sleep, the mum says she is still worried that co-sleeping with a five-year-old is somehow not OK.
‘What I’m worried about is could I be holding her back in any way? Preventing her from becoming more independent etc?’
She then asks other Mumsnet-users for their opinions.
‘If you co-slept with your kids, when did you stop? Was it your choice or theirs? Did you notice any negative effects from it at all?’
Lucky for the mum, other parents were soon to reassure her that co-sleeping with a school-aged child is not only perfectly OK, but that so many others on the popular parenting forum have done the exact same – and what is more; they are so happy that they did.
‘They are still little’
Commenting on the mum’s post, many are keen to reassure her that a five-year-old is still a very young child, and needing comfort from your mum at night still is perfectly normal.
One parent wrote:
‘She’s little still. You’re not affecting her in any negative way. In fact the opposite. She’ll move into her own bed when she’s ready.’
The person added:
‘I’ve never met a child who sleeps with their parent at 15 or can’t use a knife and fork (unless cultural) or can’t use the bathroom independently at that age.’
Another parent agreed, writing:
‘My older one wanted to sleep with me until she was about 7 (and the idea of it now grosses her out) but the younger one wants to sleep with me and she can.’
The parent added:
‘Ironically I did sleep training on both of them when they were little. But they continued to want to sleep in my bed. I now have no idea why I pushed back so hard against it when they were little.’
Agreeing with the above, a third person chimed in with:
‘My ds (darling son) kept coming into my bed most nights up until he was around 12. No regrets or issues whatsoever – he’s now 17.’
‘Co-sleeping is done all over the world’
Some Mumsnet users reminded the mum that co-sleeping is not only normal, but also the done thing in so many countries and cultures around the world.
‘How lovely! I did this until I met my second husband to be. I then eased my daughter back into her own space. Co-sleeping is done all around the world and it’s a very healthy practice.’
Another parent agreed, writing:
‘In my opinion, the safer they feel at home, the more independent they can become. Five is still very young and it doesn’t preclude them changing back to their own bed whenever they feel ready.’
